Friday, June 25, 2010

full plate

yesterday bordered on the ridiculous. every facet of my life that i have an obligation to or responsibility toward needed me yesterday. it made me realize how full my plate is at the moment. it made me realize my breaking point. but the good news is that there was no meltdown or breakdown this time (which is a HUGE thing considering i am a complete hormonal mess right now).

my best friend and i share this awful habit of finding ourselves bored and then committing to everyone and everything little by little until we realize that not only are we not bored, we are frazzled. we both (in college) knew this about ourselves since high school...and both would watch each other repeat this cycle again and again and again. now, even though we live states apart, we still call each other up whilst in frazzled mode and loudly complain, "i did it again!" WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS? and then we laugh at each other...we metaphorically dump the plates and slowly end commitments...then get bored....yada yada yada.

i like the analogy of a full plate. i picture my friend and i going through this "help yourself" buffet of life and exclaiming at every delightfully seeming item "oooh! this looks good!" or "i could totally eat that and not get fat!" or "i bet since its cooked like this i WONT get heartburn this time". i like to consider myself more mature...much much wiser...and certainly a pickier eater...i should know better than to eat certain foods...but goodness...i love that mac n cheese.

we take our plates back to our table and begin to eat, but after a while, after those first bites of bliss and happiness, you soon find yourself stuffed and somewhat nauseous...there is not a stomach big enough to eat it all, so you take bird bites and try try try to finish it. sometimes you even make yourself ill in the process, but dern it if you are going to waste food!

i am getting a little lost in my analogy, but you get the point. i think my good news is that this time i was very aware that a third baby was coming and made sure my commitments would be somewhat complete by the end of my pregnancy...but i think i overestimated my energy levels all the same.

the truth of it is that i am sincerely energized by challenges and my life-long challenge will be balancing them. it is my nature to try to conquer new things and constantly set new goals...and i genuinely like that about myself, however, sometimes i need to give myself a vacation from...myself...and my expectations of myself. and allow myself to be a slacker...


Whitney Hannah Hill said...

Great post. I share the sentiment. So well written. Exactly how I've been feeling but I never could have written it as eloquently. ;) It's really great that you know yourself well enough to know what's happening when you feel that way. And really nice you have someone to share it with. It always helps me to know I'm not alone when it comes to owning a business/trying to be a good mother. ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh Carlee. I love this post.
And I can SO relate. Why didn't someone stop me from moving house at 35 weeks gestation??? I sat on the driveway by myself yesterday and just bawled my eyes out. Great way to meet the neighbors. I'm totally resonating with you right now! Hope to make it Patchwork after church tomorrow.

p.s. Greta has been talking AD NAUSEM about the dragon slide, and how "Carson" caught her and told her she flew like a butterfly. Apparently "Carson" is a mix between Carlee and Bryson. I thought you would get a kick out of that. ;)