Monday, October 11, 2010

why i've been silent...

you probably didnt notice...maybe you did...i never do when other bloggers apologize for being gone...but the truth is that i love writing - i love journaling - i love the community of *most* creative blogging women. it gives people a chance to be their own columnist...and that is very satisfying to me....so the fact that i havent felt any desire to do so for a week or so is very unlike me. i have been re-thinking this here blog - what it is - what it should not be...

you see...this last week the unthinkable horror happened to a fellow friend...a fellow mama...in our MOPs group - her 3 week old baby passed away unexpectedly and it feels like the whole world stopped rotating for a day or so. our babies were only a week apart. my heart has been breaking for her and her family and i never thought in my life that i would have to attend a memorial service for a baby. i can not imagine the grief she is experiencing right now - the emotional...and very physical grief...but, what has been amazing to watch is the community of women rising up and surrounding her family with support and love. i have never been prouder to be a part of something in my life, than i have with my church and this community. We had Sue Beeney (an amazing person and she happens to attend our church as well) facilitate our last MOPs meeting and she spoke on grief and how we can allow the family to grieve naturally and beneficially. it was intense and powerful and healing and i am so glad that the mama and her family were there to receive that communal grieving.

so it seems silly to me right now to post pictures of my kids or things i make...i think this baby...this precious soul...has had such a strong impact on a lot of people and re-arranging values and priorities, etc. - in a good way...in a necessary way...in a shake-able way. a layer of vulnerability has been exposed on just about every person i have spoken with.

with my friend devon passing...writing about it has been so so helpful in processing it...and i think just speaking about things like this helps not only the person writing, but perhaps others who can't find words and need to. it also helps speak unspeakable things....it brings community...i have been throwing that word around like its nothing, but it means everything to me right now...it is a heart word...for sure.

as far as this here space...i do love this process - this journaling about life using pictures and links. it is somewhat silly, but i think it has had a very positive impact in my little life. i love the sharing of ideas...the motivation to create and the space to show-and-tell. i love meeting new people and being inspired and of course, recognition is always nice to any mom who *rarely* receives it from well-meaning little ones.

so, perhaps a new space is needed. a way to separate "Sweet B" from my kids and our crazy life...i think this space is good to keep track of the process of a home-made life. i was inspired by a grandma who told me to take pictures of the things i make before i give them away because everything you make "is a little piece of you".

but perhaps some people don't care to see my kids and their grubby faces...which i get...i do...i dont like other blogs about people's kids i dont know....and i think my kids are cute, but that is because i produced them...so of course i do...but they are super cute...i'm not making that up...

once i get it all figured out - i'll of course let you know. until then...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hey. i hadnt been here to read this until just now. thanks, for your words. i am wildly proud to be part of such a community of women. my heart feels like it's broken in a million pieces but yet the love and prayers from you all feels so good.
~m