i have been trying to collect some thoughts bouncing around in my head lately. i find myself tonight in a quiet house...which in itself is a rare event...but the normal distractions are not appeasing me, so i thought i might try to make sense of some things...bear with me...
last week i had an appointment in orange county near the irvine spectrum and took my boys there to kill some time before bodie's nap. i found myself sitting at a table next to three moms and their young babies. they all each had one and all were around 1 year old. each of the moms was wearing a sweater set of some sort - i think one even had a pearl necklace...and two of them had those protective high chair thingies on their high chairs and they brought their own placemats. whatever...that is fine...i think what struck me is how odd i felt next to them (because i was literally seated at the next table) i grew up in orange county, why do these moms seem so foreign to me? why do i look like such a ragamuffin now? their kids were dressed all matching and cute and my boys were both wearing shirts i had made them and looked their normal adorable grubby selves.
it wasnt a judgement thing on them or myself. it didnt make me feel bad or good being next to them and i didnt look at them in a bad or good way...although i must say i cant stand those high-chair/stroller protective things...i think they are a good idea, but the thought of having to carry one around in my car all the time and deal with washing it and gahhh it just seems like such unnecessary work....i just let my kids get swine flu and bitch about it - thats how i roll! anyway...back to the not-judging...ha! - i love it when my mom and her sister get together and one of them may say something caddy and the other will inevitably say, "dont you wish everyone were as perfect as us?" in a joking matter...i use it now with my sister...it humbles us and makes us laugh and terrifies us because we are turning into them!
i guess what has been rolling around in my brain is that i have somehow been finding my way around this parenting thing for the past 4.5 years through the help of MANY women and i think i felt a sense of confidence that i didnt look at those women with any sort of jealousy or longing...or pity for that matter.
im NOT saying i have any clue as to what i am doing...i dont think i would ever be so bold. i am saying that i may look different than a lot of moms out there...i may act different and discipline differently than what is the "trend" of parenting..i may have a lot of beliefs that are more traditional and less "progressive"...but i do feel confident in my support system of other competent moms...including my own mom who help to keep me on track. i think it is so important and will never tiring of telling other moms out there to seek that. MOPS is a great place to start if you dont know where - also Yahoo groups has worked well for a lot of other mamas i know. i think i remember back to when i first had Bryson and didnt really know other moms in my area and it felt so lonely...and scary...and i was no where near confident in anything i was doing...and i think if myself as a mom then could see myself as a mom now she might be a little less scared...i dont know.
im saying all this through the lens of my third pregnancy and expecting our third baby and being just a bit more than a little freaked out about it. not that i dont think i can handle it...im pretty sure we'll be fine...people have done a lot more with a lot less...but i have no doubt that this will probably be the most challenging chapter in my life so far and will stretch myself and my marriage to limits it has not yet seen...the thing that keeps my heart and soul from erupting with anxiety is that i know how grounded we are in our faith and that helps us not get too full of ourselves and with that i know we will ultimately be okay...that and coffee...
5 comments:
Well said Carlee! I love how everyone does everything different - and most of the time, I don't feel competitive with other mamas - because in the end, only YOU know what is best for your children, your family, your marriage, YOU. I remember feeling unsure when I first started MOPS (when Elliot was a few weeks old), but the confidence definitely builds as you move along in your journey as a mama. You'll do great with 3 - will be a challenge, to be sure - but you have surrounded yourself with a supportive community - thank goodness for that!
I BET, those Irvine moms were meeting up for the first time in ages...so they got all dolled up and did the same for their kids. And I'm sure all the kids had MAJA meltdowns on the way home. They all may have looked perfect at that moment in time, but having your 2.5 kids, c'mon, you know that can't possibly be the norm for them. ; )
Carlee, if you want to borrow my pearls you should just come right out and ask...
yeah rashelle...you are like the quintessential Orange County mom...and how i envy that :)
What a beautiful post, Carlee. I love your honesty. That, and I love your unabashed confidence. Cause you're right - It's not so much about WHAT you do, or HOW you do it...it's about the conviction and confidence with which you do it. You definitely have that, and I'm certain it has come with time (and maybe is even a work in progress)...but still, that's a great place to be. Rejoice in that. You wear it well. :)
-Rachel
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