designating time

so this is me...taking a picture of me...relaxing...ha! actually i wanted to see how bad my freckles have gotten this summer...pretty rad! i found like 4 freckles on bodie and got a little excited that my kids may actually get some freckles :)

i wanted to write about designating time. i get into these ruts - where i start to feel nostalgic about how i used to read my Bible every day or how i used to sew so much more or how there was that 3 month period where i worked out religiously or that week where i actually stuck to a diet and then i start to feel guilty that i have let it ALL go and then part of me wants to not eat anything for a week and lock myself in a bathroom with a Bible and then go run for 20 miles while working on an embroidery piece. not very realistic...or even appealing really...actually it all sounds a little lunatic-ey...

BUT...after a period of chaos, which inevitably interrupts any sort of good thing i get going - in this case, SUMMER (since we own a pool business) - i start to crave a little sense of order and routine and doing something for myself.

my (very sweet and thoughtful) husband bought me for my birthday a massage once a month...only since my birthday (november) i have only scheduled it 3 times. i always put it at the lowest priority and it inevitably never gets done. bryan and i had a conversation about this the other night - he told me he got it for me to use...(duh) and he is willing to do whatever for me to use it...which i know...but for some reason...when it comes to picking up the phone to schedule myself a massage...when that money could go toward this or that and my time could be better spent here or there...i just dont seem to get around to it.

now...i realize...as i type...this is silly talk...this was a present and meant to be used and appreciated. why dont i value that? i dont think i am the only mother to feel this way. i also lately have felt extremely spent...work is super stressful..the kids right now are ALL super high maintenance and stressful and i feel like if i wasnt there they would surely kill themselves or each other right now (did i mention that my 2.5 year old snuck out the front window the other night and we found him around the corner from our house?) and at the end of the day i have little to no energy after the kids are in bed...not enough to sew...not enough to work out...just enough to sit on the couch...maybe have a conversation with my husband...thats what the kids are calling it...anyways...

i got to thinking...my problem is that i look at my time in the day/week/month as what can i accomplish for everyone else? if i dont set time aside as valuable and sacred, it absolutely won't get done. i started blabbing off things to my girlfriend of days/times i want to schedule throughout the week/month...at first it was all silly talk and "in a dream world" but then as i was talking i was realizing...hey...this isn't so crazy...this is do-able...and actually a little brilliant of myself for voicing my desires...so here are some of them for your entertainment...

1. i want to workout at least 3 days a week without my children...i am over that right now at this point in my life - the only way i will look forward to working out is if it is also a time for me to be refreshed and re-juvved...is that a word? anyway - i think tue, thur, sat...for me and he gets mon, wed, fri...that could be do-able...the sad thing about this is that i love working out with my husband...but we are in survival mode baby! maybe 2 days a week alone and a weekend workout together?

2. i want to designate a week night to sew. this should totally be do-able since the hubby has golf or softball or poker or something at least once a week...i just need to set it aside to get through the (large) pile of projects!!

3. i crave a girls night every other week or so - i would like to designate a night of the week or every other week where i intentionally hang with a girlfriend or a group of girls...i live in a house with 4 BOYS...also 2 additional BOYS work at our house M-F...so needless to say...i am surrounded...outnumbered...i need my girl time to feel sane and also remember it is not normal to "let it go"

4. date night - we are pretty good about this, but i want to be even more intentional. at least every other week leaving the house...with each other...somewhere not lame. i love my husband but working together makes it even more important to date...

5. reading/meditation - on my off-days of working out (probably during nap times)  i want to spend at least a half hour reading some type of devotional or the Bible...i feel like it should really be every day...but since it is not at all right now, i dont want to overwhelm myself!

6. finally...i want to work into our budget somehow once a month for four hours me hiring a babysitter and having a Mama's Day Out...and NOT feel guilty about it. i can go thrifting or (finally) use those pedicure gift cards that have been sitting in my purse for a year or just go to a coffee shop and read or meet up with a friend...just do something outside of work and kids for myself...with that very intention...because i truly need that...every mom needs to carve out some sort of time...the trick is the NOT feeling guilty part...but whenever i do start to feel guilty i will read this post and remember how run-down mama gets when she hasnt left the house for a month and threw a throw pillow at her oldest son because he got out of his room for the fifth time after putting him to bed.